The truth that so many self proclaimed good girls do not want to admit, is that they are indeed attracted to men with a bad reputation. They sit around and make lists of all the things they want in their new guy, yet spend their time rejecting Mr. Looks Good on Paper for the very man she warns her girlfriends about. What is the appeal in dating a man who you know will hurt you if you start taking this relationship too seriously? Why bother go through the motions of the good girl- bad boy relationship knowing very well where this will all end up- heartbreak. Why date a man who has a fear of commitment, is narcissistic and terribly unpredictable?
Though from an outsider's perspective, it would seem that the good girl who is so obviously attracted to Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right may seem confused, she really isn't. For this is the typical pattern of many self respecting women at some point in her life.The truth is, there are many reasons she may choose to go with Mr. Right Now. Three of these include:
The Thrill
Most good girls make it their duty to structure every part of their life. They spend their whole life following the rules and planning every aspect of their lives. They date all the right guys and do all the right things. After a while, this routine becomes a complete bore. She will easily fall for the guy who will attempt to shake things up in her life and provide her with a sense of adventure that her life lacked. You may think, well why not go to a theme park or some other daredevil like activity? Why not find a new hobby? Well...it doesn't provide the same level of prolonged satisfaction that will come from a man who will make every attempt to let her come out of her comfort zone.
Women are also positive that these men will be amazing lovers. Men who will teach her things she only witnessed in her favorite episode of Sex and the City. Like Mr. Big, she expects him to color outside the lines when it is time for "arts and crafts". He is also forces her to consider things she always wanted to try but was afraid to ever admit out loud. Though there may be instances that she is proven wrong, she creates the illusion of it being true. He will definitely become more about fun than stability (which is sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered for a good girl).
Maternal Instinct/ Project Makeover
Within every woman (whether self- proclaimed feminist or not) lies an uncanny need to be maternal and loving towards others. Though some won't openly admit to it, every woman often gets urges to take care of another person she welcomes into her life. The bad boy paints the picture of an unruly child like figure that some women hope to change into the perfect man for them. So like a bad mother, she will make excuses for poor behaviour; laugh when he embarrasses her in public; conveniently forget the snide comments etc. Instead, she paints the picture of a blissfully romantic relationship that all her girlfriends would want but perhaps would not understand because "you don't know him like I do". It all usually ends in "I know he loves me enough to change and settle down with me".
More often than not, hidden behind that giant exterior of a confident man with little regard for authority lies an insecure man who is unsure of what he wants in the long run. He lives in the moment and has an immense fear of commitment. So more often than not he will run when she needs him the most. It really shouldn't come as a big surprise that a strong, independent woman would be interested in making her bad boy into a new project of change. Given that women do not like the idea of being rejected or proven wrong, she may treat him like all problematic aspects of her life that she wants to change for her own liking. She will continuously work hard hoping that she can change him.
Unfortunately, there is no man in the world that can be forced to change because a woman wants him to. The sooner women realize that they cannot control or change any man, the better it will be for her in the long run. By treating a man like a project or by hopping along for the thrill may not be in her best interest. In fact, though the flame may seem bright, is it really worth getting burnt?
So does this mean there is no hope for the good guys?
Technique
The painting the bad boy creates in his masterful approach is perhaps the most intriguing aspect that reels the good girl in. It is within that first 15 minutes of interaction that he gets her to think about whether or not she could be interested in the him or not. Now this is interest is clearly not along the lines of marriage or even a relationship at that point of the conversation. It is however, the period in which she will decide if he is worth continuing a conversation with.
The Bad Boy technique is most effective in grabbing a woman's attention. For not only is he witty, but he is confident, funny, sexy and forward. He does not waste much time telling an attractive girl all the compliments she has already heard but instead moves in for the kill effortlessly. She may not think she likes this at first but if he does not come across as being rude, he is guaranteed to have her attention. This however, does not mean that there is no hope for the Mr. Right. For if it is clear that the approach within those crucial initial 15 minutes is what is most important. Then the good guy most ensure that his fear of talking to her causes him to seem boring, annoying or overbearing. Despite the fact that assholes seem to be the ones with the "good girls" it is far from truth. In fact, after a while ALL women with bad boys yearn to escape from their bad relationships.
If a good guy can successfully use "bad-boy" like techniques without being mean he will be appealing to any good girl. She will also continue to expect him to be unpredictable and take control. Being a good guy does not have to equate to being fragile or boring.
When fun just isn't enough
A part of the thrill for a good girl dating a bad guy is knowing when to give him up. The less emotionally attached good girl knows that every roller coaster ride must come to an end. She knows that deep down, she requires far more than he can offer her. She takes time out to be single again and eventually goes on to finding a good guy- Mr. Right. The thrill of being with someone who isn't right for her eventually prepares her for the good guy and actually causes her to appreciate him more.
Though a man who is close too close to his mother may come across as unappealing to some. It is a sure way for some women to tell how loving, attentive and thoughtful a man will be. According to a study from Arizona State University, "mama's boys have better communication skills and higher levels of empathy than guys who have cut the apron strings. As a result, men who are close to their moms are much more likely to be in healthy, monogamous relationships than men who lack that connection". He is also less likely to have a the bad reputation that the bad boy is known to have as he tries to do whatever it takes to make his family proud.
